Monday, January 26, 2009

TO SHOP..OR NOT TO SHOP! WHAT??

One of my favorite forms of entertainment is shopping. I just found out that my wife DOESN’T like to shop! She’s got a closet full of shoes that says otherwise. It’s like I’m married to a centipede! THE WOMAN HAS SHOES!!!
So if you have all of these shoes and you don’t like shopping, where are they coming from, elves?? Geppetto?? She says, “Duh! I shop on line. I don’t like malls, they’re much too crowded!” I said, “You could’ve fooled me.” It turns out that after all these years, I’m the one who likes to shop at malls! She’s just tagging along!! I said, “Crowds never bother me!” She said, “It’s no wonder! Look at you... you’re built like a room divider! You just plow through them, or they see you coming and they move out of the way!”
Let me tell you something… the minute we enter a mall, she makes a bee-line to the shoe stores! Knowing that I don’t like to go in them, she hands me her bag (but not before taking out her credit cards!) and goes in. Now the first time she left me HOLDING THE BAG, I felt sort’a self-conscious, until I noticed other guys standing around holding handbags, too. At first I didn’t make eye contact, but what the heck… we all seemed to have something in common and before you know it we’re not only talking, but we begin comparing our wives handbags. “Is that leather??” “No, it’s pleather!” “Really! It sure looks like leather”. Pretty soon we’ll be trading recipes! Look at this..male bonding over ladies accessories! What’s next, showing each other our operation scars??

And another thing…so how come if she doesn’t like malls, she has her own rating system?? She rates each mall by the number of shoe stores they have. Okay, can somebody explain this to me?? To phrase it like Seinfeld….”WHAT’S THE DEAL WITH ALL THESE SHOES?? You only have two feet!! I have two pairs of sneakers, two pairs of dress shoes, and two pairs of boots and have to put them under the bed because she’s confiscated my part of the closet and turned it into a SHOE CONDO!! Do the math honey, all those shoes and only two feet! I don’t think that I’ve married an Alien.
Ladies, listen to BIG Bad Bob..PULEEZE! If you’re trying to impress your men……The last thing in the world we’re looking at IS YOUR FEET!!!

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